The Bump

Earlier today I was recounting the tale of the bump to some people (Mack, my Momma) and we started compiling a list of things you can keep in it.

1. A smaller, freakish head that actually controls the body.
2. Knives. For knife fights.
3. Cookies, for snacks.
4. Monogramed hand towels. Southern girls love to monogram.
5. Pets. Probably mice, but maybe snakes. MAYBE BOTH.
6. That Awkward Jesus picture (which was, by the way, a huge hit at the Drunk Redneck Party)
7. One night stand kit.

Number 7 in particular opened up a hilarious conversation with my mom.

So... basically here's the kit:

 Monogrammed bag

Cute, spacious, fits in purse (or the BUMP!). CHECK. Whats inside??

Colgate wisp, so you can smell FRESH

Face wipes. Morning makeup problems solved. 

Condoms. Seriously important. 

V-neck cotton T shirt. Rolls up small. 

And finally, importantly:

Roll up flats. Footzyrolls has some that come with a bag for your heels.

Basically, you'll be invincible! And not look terrible when you have to walk of shame it out of the frat house/apartment complex the next morning, possibly past Sunday morning church going grandmas. OR you can go get waffle house with your girls/new manfriend.