OH DANG

So many posts to update its dang stupid.


Okay... lets start with MEMPHIS. We planned on wearing wigs and having fake names. That shit did not happen. We did go to Silky's and drink a diver but it had so much syrup in it it made JB and I sick for most of the night, so basically not much boozing happened.

 BUT WAIT: flashback. So the day of the Memphrica trip we did some volunteering. Jessica is going to a trip for spring break and it was a requirement and I'm down to do some volunteering. We tore down a meth house!

Meth room. Removing the drywall (mostly with our hands)

Looking angelic

Tree pose: crack house.

Messed up eagle pose: crack house.

We made that pile of rubble before we yoga'd on it. Not too bad not too bad.

So then we got ready to go to Memphis. My house has basically become a messy sorority house.

SUPER PREPPY

This picture is hilarious.

JB and the Mitz

And we got in the car and headed down to the hotel.

Hailie didn't enjoy the car ride.

I was trying to get out of the way of JB's pic. No success.

Mmmmhmm.

We went out on the town, and while everyone else had already eaten, JB and I had not. SO we got Tamales and seafood things from Blues City.

SO GOOD. Also Woodchucks? Yes please.

And met back up at Silky's for booze!

Our downfall. :(

So many straws.

Monocle + Moustache.

Hailie saw the guy she thought she had met at the check in and went to talk to him. She told us to talk to him too. We went and thus began the Night of the Cockblock. Seriously, never been blocked so hard in my life. His chubby friend THREW herself on him, called him baby and turned to us and said "sorry girls!" We went back to our seats and sang ourselves crazy.
Sometime later we migrated to club 152 where we lost half our group. They went to some pirate dive bar in Midtown (read: hipster district). We danced our faces off (mostly to songs like Wobble and the Wop). I got cockblocked 2 more times. We also met the ACTUAL guys Hailie had met at the check in and she gave one of them my number so we could hang out later. The tallest one (Neal??) hit it off with JB. I went to walk around again and met this guy named Brinn, who is a pharmacist. HIS chubby friend then attached herself to him like an octopus a few times, locked eyes with me and whispered in what I can only assume is her Golum impression "He'ssssssssss minnnnnnne," at which point I decided that no matter how hot this Brinn fellow is, he obviously has too much drama. He kept trying to talk to me, she kept screaming. When we left the bar they did too and she legit fell on her ass on Beale and made a noise that is best described as Merh. Merhing is now a verb, it means going crazy girl drunk on a guy. Also its a lot of fun to say. Merhmerhmerhmerh.

We went back to the Hotel where it turns out that Neal and co (Lealand and Texas Tim) were not just in the same hotel, on the same floor, but in fact were RIGHT NEXT DOOR. Whattttttt. We hung out with them and drank some booze. JB kind of hit it off with Neal but mostly because of this:

BATMAN SOCKS. WITH CAPE. (Foot pictured, Jessica's. He put them on her. Wtf)

 It was pretty dang cool. Anyway, after hanging more (playing with the laser Texas Tim had, making fun of music videos) we decided to go to bed. Neal wanted JB to go to bed with him. JB did not.

And thus ended our night out in Memphis. Next time: Breakfast.

weird southern shit

Pictures to follow but: Friday night we went to bar... and there were MORE dead animals. Also a tractor sign. Also a headbanging cowboy and or hippie hard to tell... every local band covers at LEAST one country song per set.


Then we went to the bar next door, more dead animals, got offered weed whilst walking to the bar by random southern drawl having hippie with her hair in a rasta hat thing (dreads implied, gross). Got upstairs, started drinking heavily as it was the after party of a major country concert and ALL the boys were either a) southern frat style (includes polos and or fishing shirts, visors inside and backwards, and 'subtle' hints about the wealth of ones parents and/or self by dropping info about how he drives 2 cars, OH he dropped the N word in the convo not even four minutes in). or b) legit cowboys/farmers

After zero success at the bar, we ran into our friend/neighbor Hailie who suggested we go home and chill. So we did. And we kicked back and smoked some hookah and drank a little and lol'd forever. Not a bad wrap up.

BUT then we went to yoga today and sweated out all of our Friday night. Also there was a few country song mashups. One was "Chicken Fried"/Nelly mashup. I want that song in my life, so I can rickroll people at parties. The other one was Brad Paisley's "Mud on the Tires" meets techno... so weird. Nothing says Namaste, Y'all like moon light on a duck blind or a catfish on a trout line (the sun sets about nine this time of year...)


Dear Arkansas, you are so weird. HOW WILL I DEAL WITHOUT YOU :( <3 Bea


Jessica says that I will move to Austin and/or LA and see some guy across a crowded bar wearing Duck Blind Mossy Oak and be like "I LOVE YOU" and he'll say "Thanks there pretty lady, your eyes remind me of the opening day of duck season... of hitting a big mallard and taking it home, and mounting it on the wall. I could mount you on the wall, missy ;) "

I suspect this is how I will meet my husband.