bangs, bars and bobcats

Last night while avoiding doing something insanely simple for work (literally sending one email...) I walked into my bathroom and saw my hair and was like "meh" so I got the kitchen scissors, twisted my bangs and chopped em. So now... I have bangs!

Bangggggs.

Then I got around to sending my email. And we went to the bar:

Sheer fabulousness.

And while we were there we found this:

This is a bobcat, above a bar. Just below him is a stuffed crow and to the left is a stuffed ram's head covered in mardi gras beads. OHhhhhhhh Arkansas...

Anyway, it was a good time. We were in some huge heels and small town southern boys don't know how to deal with hot tall girls so we just left after a while. But we celebrated a friend's bday and drank some dranks.

shitttttty week.

Its still technically Wednesday and my week is about as pleasant as running over an armadillo (that's not pleasant, fyi). I'm not going to go into the nitty gritty of it because 1) how boring and 2) that's what calling my mother is for, but instead I'm going to attempt to be positive.

Reasons I am having a good week:

• Got registered for all my classses.
• Looked like a boss for sure in Chem Lab.
• Adore my three political science classes. 
• Was deemed capable of handling two big jobs at work.
• Got to run today.
• Have an amazing network of friends and family, and Spartan chicks.
• Got new highlighters. 
• Got new stickynotes.
• Organized notebook for this semester.
• Cute Wednesday was a rousing success.
• Tomorrow is Thursday, which means I get to run in the morning, get most of the day free for myself, get to go to a great class and then go to lab. All things I vastly enjoy. 
• My dog is really cute.
• I almost have abs. 
• Got to do some amazing yoga yesterday.
• Cut dead weight out of my life.
• God is really good to me.  I am so thankful for Him.

And that is why I am one lucky duck.  And why I should not be a sad Sally all "boo, I had a terrible week."

Yeahhhhhhh.

yoga = spiritual salve.

"When in doubt, stretch it out," is a saying Jaybells says to me semi weekly. What she means is "lets go do some fucking yoga!" and I concur.

Today was trying very hard to be a bad day, and I was working very hard to make it a good day. I saw Mr. I-Can't-Commit-Because-Of-BS-Excuses, who will heretofore be referred to as "that boy," today holding hands with the waitress he's been hooking up with as I was leaving the coffee shop. I was pretty hard to miss. Full uniform, 5'10, etc, but as soon as I registered that he was holding some girl's hand part of me just shut off, I refused to acknowledge him. Half an hour later, I deleted his number from my phone.

That wasn't the only bad part of my day, there were some other not so fun things too. It was trying hard.

BUT on the upside, I finally moved that boy into the boy category of my life, and as JB will tell you, I have resolved to date grown-ass men.

So after the dramarama with that boy, I went to yoga with JB. We did pigeon which is always super emotional for me, but moreso today, and as we were doing the second (left side) one, Holland (the instructor) goes "take a deep breath, think about something you want to let go, think about something you know you need to let go, even if you aren't ready to yet, even if you don't want to. take a deep breath, breathe it out, take another deep breath, let it go." Amazing.


Basically, when in doubt, you should go stretch it out.


Why it was a good day anyway:

Friendly kisses on the forehead from ZE
Lab boss status achieved
Love love love my Politics of the Developing World Class
Got to sleep in until 8


ALSO: Tomorrow is Wednesday, which means its cute day.  Woo!

hydration, yall

So since Mack gets shady on the weekends sometimes, I had to catch him up on my escapades all late at night tonight. One of which led me to entertain some weird ass thoughts:

So a few nights ago a friend of mine came over to chill out, and we had a little potluck. We had too much food to eat, so I texted an old friend of mine (who I dated casually for a while) to see if he wanted to swing by after work to pick it up. This fool loves to fuck with my head, I seriously think its his hobby some days, but I let it happen so shame on me I guess.

Anyway he comes over to pick up the to go plate and as he's leaving he kisses me. Weirdness. I usually wouldn't divulge this much with the internet but its important.

So for two days we barely talk. Then today we started texting again. I mentioned in passing that I was super tired and needed coffee (probably because I'm up all late catching up Mack, jackass), and he tells me that I need B12 and that coffee or tea will just dehydrate me.

The only logical conclusion to this is that he is, in fact, a robot. A robot that used his robot kisses to check on me or something. Sneaky, sneaky.


I am of course, jk. I know he's probably not a robot.
Stay hydrated.

clean the damn house

FUCK why is cleaning my house so difficult to convince myself to do??


I just want to eat sweet things and have the house be magically clean. :(

a yell, a yell, a senior yell!

In high school, in West Texas, football is a big big deal. The games were often attended by a large portion of the student body, decked in our purple & black colors and eating El Paso staples in the stands. During the games the cheerleaders were often outshone by the student section who would offer forth members from its depths to lead the crowd in a raucous cheer session. The one I still remember all of is the senior yell, which on graduation day Seth Brown, who sat behind me in the crowded UTEP basketball stadium got our entire 700 person graduating class to sing/chant. Its pretty simple, but its been on my mind a lot lately, because...

I'M A GRADUATING SENIOR you guys. This is serious, exciting business. Graduate. Training. Big Girl Life. Its also slightly terrifying. What in sam hill am I going to do out in the world??


And so, for the second time, the senior yell is lodged firmly in my mind. Its all I can do not to chant it at people whenever I say "yes, I'm a graduating senior."

You're welcome, you guys. You're welcome.

adopting ALL the babies...

So I was being super lazy today and watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and the episode that came on was one about a family who had 11 kids. 11. ALL BOYS. 8 of them were adopted. So I was like "maybe I should adopt," you know, eventually.

So, true to form, I spent a few hours today reading up on the topic. I do this about things I might end up doing, in fact I researched for like 5 months before I caved and bought a tortoise. Kids are bigger than tortoises so its probably better to start researching now.

So I think I might do that. Gonna be a boy because according to my research boys are less likely to get adopted.


In other news, I seriously need to stick harder to my resolution to date grown ass men. I haven't gone out with any of the non grown ass men yet, but I did have a recent run in with someone from my past who is not a grown ass man. Dang it. Stop that, Maria.

emo vampires. also school is back up.

So my neighbor who is totally awesome and fun came over last night when we had our tasty dinner foods and chilled for a while. Somehow I got convinced to give up my last sleep in day so that I could go to the lake and run trails with her in the AM.

At like 6:20 when we were driving out there we started talking about ghosts (really, self??) knowing we were going to run dark ass trails by our selves (although to be fair Hailie is 5'8-5'9 and I'm 5'10 so its not like we're dainty ladies who need saving). And then Hailie goes "no ghosts aren't really scary to me... but vampires..." and so we started talking about how if there were any vampires up at this hour they'd be like some emo vampire who'd need a ride home.

When we started running it started getting light but I couldn't shake the mental image of getting back up to the car and having some morose kid with a black hoodie and his hands in his pockets be all "Can I get a ride back?" and then like kicking the ground all dejectedly. Poor emo vampire.


We were supposed to meet our friend Kevin out there but we were late (as usual) and so he ran a little early. Randomly throughout the run we would yell out to the lake in general "KEVINNNNNN" with Hailie following it with "if you jump out from behind something and scare me I WILL  punch you!" Kevin never heard, but we did scare the heck out of a lot of geese. And also a squirrel.

Finally got school stuff squared away, maybe I can even graduate and get out of Arkansas for a little while. Jeez college, why do you do this to me.

The campus is totes freaking out over some new WR out of Auburn that's followed Coach Malzahn [sidenote: why are all our coaches named like comic book villains? The Freeze, Malzahn...] but I didn't even know anything about it. I am glad to see that SI had an article about Malzahn and stAte today because maybe ESPN will play more games and I wont feel bad for being out of state.

And now, to yoga! Here have a song I'm obsessed with.

Soups.

I made this soup today and so many people asked me for the recipe that I'm just gonna blog it.

It doesn't look quite as colorful when its all the way cooked, but its still SUPER good.

SOUP: 1 package of stew beef.
1 potato (i used White Rose potatoes, oh my god so good)
1 tomato
2 large portabello mushroom heads.
about a cup of spinach
1 zuchinni
1 carton of beef broth
3 green onions
3 cans of black beans
Salt, pepper, garlic, soy sauce

Chop everything up pretty fine, like julienne it. Then put all the stuff in the crock pot. Turn on low, stir heavily, get everything mixed up. Leave for a few hours. EAT HEARTILY. Makes seriously so much food. 

I have about a gallon of soup just like "Maria I'm SO good, you know lunch this week is gonna be awesome." Yes. It talks to me. Don't judge.

Also Jaybellz came over for dinner and I finally tried spaghetti squash. HOLY MACARONI that is some good stuff. Will make a great lasagna or casserole I think. Kind of not as easy as I was led to believe but worth it (and like 1/3 of the calories and like 1000x the vitamins).

The Bump

Earlier today I was recounting the tale of the bump to some people (Mack, my Momma) and we started compiling a list of things you can keep in it.

1. A smaller, freakish head that actually controls the body.
2. Knives. For knife fights.
3. Cookies, for snacks.
4. Monogramed hand towels. Southern girls love to monogram.
5. Pets. Probably mice, but maybe snakes. MAYBE BOTH.
6. That Awkward Jesus picture (which was, by the way, a huge hit at the Drunk Redneck Party)
7. One night stand kit.

Number 7 in particular opened up a hilarious conversation with my mom.

So... basically here's the kit:

 Monogrammed bag

Cute, spacious, fits in purse (or the BUMP!). CHECK. Whats inside??

Colgate wisp, so you can smell FRESH

Face wipes. Morning makeup problems solved. 

Condoms. Seriously important. 

V-neck cotton T shirt. Rolls up small. 

And finally, importantly:

Roll up flats. Footzyrolls has some that come with a bag for your heels.

Basically, you'll be invincible! And not look terrible when you have to walk of shame it out of the frat house/apartment complex the next morning, possibly past Sunday morning church going grandmas. OR you can go get waffle house with your girls/new manfriend.

holy drunk rednecks!

Threw a huge party in my tiny apartment. Seriously like 35 people. 

Beer pong room.

It was kind of crazy. There was a guy in one of those tuxedo shirts, except he had ripped the sleeves off. Cut-off tuxedo shirts and cammo hats. Ummmmm yes. This is what I will miss most about Arkansas, the parties. And my Momma. But the parties.

Baptist Churches in the south have this habit of making a very easy punch recipe. They use it for baby showers, weddings, church socials... basically everything you could possibly want to drink a sweet cold drink at. Its super delicious. When you make it alcohol free you put two bottles of sprite and a tub of orange sherbert together, stir till melted. Drink. When you put alcohol in it you can put a LOT of booze in it because the sherbert is sweet and will make it easy to drink. Instead of the second bottle of sprite you just put like an entire handle of vodka. And also leftover sparkling wine if you want it. We did. It will get you drunk.

The party ended because some drunk rednecks got in a fight in the parking lot because one of them was "puffing up" on the other. What the hell is "puffing up"? someone please explain this concept to me. My apartment manager broke up the party. Hes totally mad at me. These things happen.


 EDIT: I totally forgot but my friend's ex (exes actually, there were more than one!) showed up. She brought her friend, who brought her hair. Her friends hair gets a mention all its own because it was Bumped. It was the BIGGEST bump on record. It looked like a cone-head person from that old movie. Seriously this thing was giant. I went around all night exclaiming that old southern addage "the higher the hair the closer to god, y'all."

It was easily bigger than this.

Jessica accidentally bumped The Bump. The girl was like "Watch my bump, honey!" We lol'd forever.

Party party party.

We're having a party tonight. This will either be awesome or a horrible decision. Not really sure yet. I also haven't started cleaning for it, so that's worrisome I guess.

Last night was pretty good stuff. We built a fort in the living room and went to the bars. Good times. 

Fort Tastic.

Then we woke up this morning all blargh and decided to try out a little Mexican place that it was rumored there were the best Tacos in town.

I wouldn't know, I had sopes.

Los Arcos!

Super cute and busy.

Delciousness. Barbacoa!

Today my friend Matt called and says he's going to come see me in Savannah when I do my GoRuck. That's pretty cool, in my opinion. :)

Okay well I guess I need to clean the apartment, and put away the firearms and baseball bats. For safety.

Boys boys boys

I am one of the only females in my large group of male friends. There are pros and cons to this but one of the strange happenstances is that all the boys' ex girlfriends want to be your friend. Last night one boy (A) invited one of his ex gfs (L) over to a party we were having. Simultaneously our friend R invited over A's OTHER ex girlfriend, N.

Needless to say, it was a little bit awkward. Both girls still have a thing for A (player player). Both girls think that I'll tell them the infos or put in a good word for them or something like that.

And then some super unclassy stuff happened. It was an event.

Also I picked up A and spun him around and then fell and busted my ass. Now I have a huge bruise.

Like a boss.

Despite the awkward ex issues, I feel super lucky to have such nice dudes in my life. When they're not being assholes that is. :P

How the Awkward Jesus Picture totally did the trick.

A few months ago, my friends and I went to goodwill to find some interesting clothes to turn into Halloween costumes. We found some pretty cool funny stuff. One of them was this big framed picture of Jesus. Its awkward.

 

Jesus has lasers?? "Come at me bro."

And I saw it and I said "that's hilarious, I need that!" and I paid my 1$ and took my large, awkward Jesus picture home, with hopes to make it even funnier.

So I started cruising through the internet to figure out how. I found some real gems.

"Raptored" by Enkel Dika

I still want that Raptor picture.

"come at me bro"

Anyway, these quests to find a way to make Awkward Jesus into a project led me to some weird places in the land of the internets. It took me to the Mormon website, which has some pretty good sermons and talks on families and relationships. It took me to a list of "Bible emergency numbers" on pinterest, which I started looking up. And it took me one night to this video.

And I watched a few more of his videos, which were all pretty good. I was also up late texting a guy I used to see who was pretty adamant about keeping our relationship purely physical, which is why I broke it off with him. We still talk from time to time, but he's never wanted more from me, which kind of broke my heart. He mostly texts me at night, when he's alone. Not even for physical stuff anymore. Its confusing...

Anyway, so I'm up at almost 3 am trying to figure out why this dumbass doesn't like me, and I find these videos, and they helped. Not quite sure how yet. But I know I wouldn't have found them without the Awkward Jesus picture, and I know I haven't felt this at ease and peaceful in a while. So I think Awkward Jesus is going to get a nicer frame and a place on the wall instead of just propped up against something on my over cluttered kitchen table.


This post didn't make very much sense. The pictures were kind of funny though. My bad.

Anything can be funny.

Went to IHOP with some of the hilariously awesome folks from work tonight. One in particular XB can make anything funny. His story about his grandma's dementia made us laugh so hard we scared the waitress.

I ruined my diet with these:

Cinnastacks Pancakes. Couldn't finish them if I tried.

Also we about died at the following pictures.

Picture I sent to a guy who said stupid things to me.

Pedo dragon thinks your child is hot.

WTF does the bull head do, exactly?

For training I made a brand new shiny pink sandbag. 26lbs of excellence and wonder. Basically its the prettiest thing ever.

Before I used it on stair climbs on those stairs. Ow.

Hot pink zebra print. What up?!

My Marine friend hated on this forever. I think he's jealous. Its okay, I get it. We can't all be this fabulous. Tomorrow I'm taking the sandbag (Sandy!) out for a run. Totally excited. And a little scared. Also its stupid cold here. What the heck, Arkansas, it was beautiful for so long :(

Redneck? But you can read!

A quick disclaimer, mostly for people like my dear dear friend Mack who insists that I am not a redneck because I can read...
My parents live on a farm in the middle of nowhere. Seriously its a 30 minute drive to the closest WalMart and that isn't because of the quaint local businesses (although Pine Hill Grocery and Liquor makes my heart sing every time I see it). We live by a Bayou and a Swamp (alligators are tasty). There are usually 5 vehicles in the front of our house. Two probably don't work. One is rusty. Also there's an old T-Bird behind the house by the canal that is literally being eaten by the woods.

                                                  
     

Rusty Truck.

More trucks.

 Somehow I don't feel like Mack will be convinced, even though I cook alligator, have relatives named Bubba and Speedy, and my baby cousin got all rodeo gear this year for Christmas (shes 4). Then again his friend once made a list of types of women. It goes as follows: 1) evil whores, 2) fat chicks, 3) cowgirls, 4) your own mother. 

EDIT: Upon reading this post Mack insists that number 4 is a complete forgery.  He also says that he would not exactly call that dude his "friend." While I defer to his judgment on the latter, I would have to say that I was MUCH more sober than him when this list was written and number 4 was definitely on it.